Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Welcome to the Party, Sen. Specter!

History often pivots on men who are willing to stand by their convictions, to sacrifice for their beliefs, and put the higher cause ahead of their own needs.

For that reason, I think we as a country should congratulate Republicrat Senator Arlen Specter for his brave decision to do just that. In this case, of course, the beliefs he is standing up for are "I think I should keep being a senator." Specter doesn't believe that his Republican constituents should be the ones to pass judgment on his record, especially because said constituents seem to prefer Congressman Pat Toomey.

I'm a big fan of this approach. Do whatever it takes to get into office, and then hold onto that position, even if it means making petty mistakes like "abandoning your morals" or "spitting in the faces of those who voted for you", because really, if voters knew what was best for America, I'd be president. Since voters have clearly failed to act in their own self interest, it becomes the onus of government officials to tell them what is good for America, and voters just need to vote along party lines, unless they're members of any party except the Democratic Party, in which case I'd much rather they just stayed home and kept thinking about issues until they finally became Democrats.

You're complaining at me now, though, saying, "But Jonny, isn't the whole point of elected leaders to represent what the people want?" Now you're just being stupid. As we have shown repeatedly in the past, people's rights are represented by angry protests and breaking the law. If you want to see real change, you have to act like a jerk in public until you make headlines, like illegally making false bids on land that's being prospected for oil in hopes that maybe the President will pardon you. If you continue acting bizarrely, the "people" will rally behind you and we'll all get angry together. This doesn't often change national policy, but at least we can all get together and have some wild dance parties while we wait for nothing to happen.

What I'm saying is that it's not Arlen Specter's job to actually have opinions and stick to them, nor is it to represent the people who voted for him. It's his job to be a Democrat, and up until recently, he'd been doing a lousy job of that. It doesn't bother me that his first move as a newly-initiated Democrat was to vote against President Obama's budget proposal, because I trust him to vote appropriately on the really important issues, and to show up wearing war paint at our universal health care rallies.

Can we all just feel good about accepting Senator Specter as a Democrat, then? If he ever goes back to the Republicans, we'll know him for the turncoat swine he is, but remember, our party isn't about budget proposals or principles of governance or anything like that, being Democrat is a lifestyle, and if Sen. Specter is willing to party with the Party, then let's welcome him in.

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